Trying After Loss
Trying for a baby after a loss can be emotionally complex and deeply challenging. It’s a journey filled with hope, fear, grief, and often silence. Remember to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey.
How You Might Be Feeling
Trying to conceive after a miscarriage is often experienced as an anxious and stressful time. Some people wait many months, or even years, following a miscarriage to try again. Others prefer to try quite quickly. There is no right or wrong, unless of course you have been advised by a medical specialist to wait. It is personal and only you (and your partner if relevant) know if/when you are ready. No one ever feels 100% ready and this is normal.
You may also delay trying again because you feel guilty about your lost baby for ‘moving forward’.
You may be worried about how another potential loss may affect you, your relationship and friendships.
You may be anxious about fertility problems.
Trying to conceive again after a loss can be a difficult experience. Many people speak of how miscarriage ‘pops’ their blissful bubble and sexual intercourse can be associated with fear.
It can be very difficult watching others announce pregnancies while you are trying to conceive or preparing to try again, although sometimes this can provide hope.
It's essential to keep in mind that the majority of miscarriages are most likely due to chromosomal abnormalities, which are beyond anyone's control. If you've experienced recurrent miscarriage, please know that you're not alone; it's estimated to affect 1 in 100 people. The chances of having a successful pregnancy after such experiences are high.
Below are some ideas of ways to look after yourself on your Trying after loss journey. Please look at our page Emotional Health and Wellbeing for a more comprehensive list of ways to support yourself.
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It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t vanish when you start trying again; it stays, alongside hope. You may find that some emotions are stronger than others. Some people find that anxiety can be high through a trying after loss journey. Firstly, before trying again, it’s important to ensure that you have a support network in place. This could be close friends, family, partner, a support forum and/or a counsellor. By having a network in place, this can prevent you from suffering in silence should another loss happen. Having somewhere to turn for emotional support is key.
Journalling
Sometimes writing feelings down can help us to offload them, you might want to:
Write letters to the baby you lost.
Document your journey—hopes, fears, milestones.
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We cannot control a positive pregnancy outcome through diet alone, however eating healthily can help with mood, sleep, weight and more.
A good place to start is by following NHS guidelines for conception and pregnancy, which include foods to avoid, supplements etc. For example, a multivitamin specifically for pregnancy (containing correct levels of Vitamin A, folic acid and Vitamin D etc.) is advised. There have been some studies which indicate a strong link between low Vitamin D and miscarriage (Tommy’s, 2024).
Maternal weight is also a risk factor for miscarriage, and that includes being overweight and underweight. It is therefore recommended that women/people trying to get pregnant maintain a healthy weight (NHS, 2024; Quenby et al., 2021).
Active and passive smoking has been linked to miscarriage and it is recommended that women/pregnant people stop smoking during and prior to conception (NHS, 2024; Quenby et al., 2021). If you are struggling to quit, there is help and support available, including GP and peer support groups. While some chemicals in cigarettes are not present in vapes, nicotine is and has been found to be extremely harmful in pregnancy. Notably, nicotine is linked to miscarriage.
Be gentle with timelines
Everyone’s “ready” moment looks different. Trying again doesn’t mean moving on—it means moving forward while carrying your love and loss with you.
Plan for the “What-ifs”
It's okay to discuss boundaries for sharing pregnancy news.
Decide how you want to handle social events or other people’s baby showers.Have a plan of coping strategies or support if you don’t conceive quickly again.
There is no right or wrong way to walk this path. No matter how you choose to navigate this journey, please know that you are not alone.
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Your mental health needs active care, especially during this emotionally demanding time.
You might want to consider some of the below options:Therapy
Consider seeking support from a perinatal therapist or grief counsellor.
CBT can help manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
Mindfulness and RelaxationListening to guided relaxations can help us to calm the adrenaline response in our body. Using these regularly helps our body fall into a natural healing rhythm.
Limiting exposure to pregnancy news or social media if it feels triggering can also help us to stay calmer.
Affirmations & Gentle Reminders
Some people find it helpful to have set phrases to affirm the positive or to show self-compassion.“It’s okay to hope and to grieve at the same time.”
“I am allowed to feel afraid. I am also allowed to feel joy.”
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Planning helps regain a sense of control when so much has felt uncertain.
Medical care
Work with a provider who understands your history and listens compassionately.
You may want to seek medical advice about your specific circumstances to help you better understand what happened previously. Take your time and ask as many questions as you need.
Ask about early scans or extra appointments for reassurance.
You Are Not Alone.
The path through pregnancy loss can feel isolating, but support is available. Explore our Resources page to find the organisations and initiatives offering comfort and guidance during a difficult time.
