Feelings after a miscarriage are unique and vary between people, and even within different pregnancies. Miscarriage is often experienced as a significant grief, evoking feelings of sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt, shock and more. These feelings are often exacerbated by the physical trauma. It can be difficult to be around other pregnant women/people, babies and children. However, feelings can change. Like any grief, it can take a while to process a miscarriage and the grief is not linear. It is important to receive formal support if you are struggling to cope with the effects. If you are avoiding going out, experiencing flashbacks, severe anxiety and/or low mood, please contact your GP - you may be experiencing PTSD, anxiety and/or depression, all of which require specialist support.

Some people may not experience miscarriage to be a bereavement and that is also okay – sometimes this is protective to process the loss quickly and to be able to try again.

Anyone who experiences the physical loss of a miscarriage and is struggling with the physical and/or psychological effects of it are entitled to take leave from work, and this leave is protected under the Equality Act 2010. It is called ‘pregnancy-related sickness’ and cannot be used against you in relation to decision-making related to redundancy, promotion etc. It must be recorded separately to general sickness. The protected amount of time is dependent on your GP’s decision (as detailed a Fitness note), which should be given to your HR department. Payment for leave depends on your contract. Your line manager and HR should be able to advise. More information can be found in our workplace section.

The most common signs of miscarriage are spotting/bleeding and pain (period-type cramping). However, some miscarriages have little/no symptoms (i.e., a missed/silent miscarriage) and are only detected during a scan. Sometimes spotting and slight cramping can occur in pregnancy, and this can be normal. It can feel very confusing. It is always best to contact your GP/midwife/A&E if you experience any symptoms which cause you concern. You may be offered a scan, but this may only be possible after a certain point, usually 7 weeks’ gestation.

Most GPs immediately recommend you to the early pregnancy unit at your nearest hospital, and if this is a later stage of your pregnancy, you might be referred to a maternity ward. However, sometimes these units are closed during weekend and/or late hours, and some smaller hospitals do not have an EPU. In this case, you can contact your GP, midwife, out of hours/111 service and/or visit Accident and Emergency (A&E).

There is no normal amount of time to grieve after a miscarriage as it is different for each person, and it depends on the circumstances. If you are feeling low and/or anxious and/or experiencing flashbacks or other debilitating symptoms it is important to seek support from a GP. In an ideal world, everyone would receive formal counselling for miscarriage if they need it. Sadly, it is often minimised and waiting lists are lengthy to receive support.

Most miscarriages are one-off events, and most people go on to have a successful pregnancy. Recurrent miscarriage affects 1 in 100. However, anxiety and fear can override our rational thoughts, convincing us that another miscarriage is inevitable.

For some, they may not have a rainbow baby for various reasons, and we have some resources to support you.

Anxiety is often heightened after a miscarriage, and there are many things you can do to manage the symptoms – exercise, such as yoga and walking, mindfulness, breathwork, writing affirmations, journaling and more. Even delegating some tasks, such as housework and running errands, which can help to lighten the mental and physical load.

Please know that you can always seek more formal support for anxiety if the strategies don’t work. Anxiety is a legitimate mental health illness for many following miscarriage, and it may require specialist treatment.

• Help your loved one channel their grief, we must feel it to heal it and these are some ways you can help begin the healing process.

• Find a safe person to talk to about your story

• Write about your story

• Write a letter to your baby saying all the things you wish you could say

• Express yourself through art and creative journaling

• Remember the baby in some way, plant a tree, have a memorial, make some keepsakes, request a memory box

• Reach out to others who have been through similar

• Attend a support group

Partners are often overlooked when we talk about miscarriage. However, research shows that partners often experience miscarriage as a significant grief, however they may bottle up their feelings due to being in the role of ‘supporter’ for their partner. This can lead to delayed grief. Partners may also experience depression; however, their pain is seldom acknowledged and supported. It is important that partners receive formal support if they are struggling to cope.