You Don't Have to Carry Grief Alone

When we become pregnant, what does society tell us? It tells us: don't tell anyone until after the 12-week scan. But why? 

It isn't about "jinxing" a pregnancy. More often, it's because society still struggles to know how to respond when a pregnancy ends in loss. We are uncomfortable with grief, particularly grief that surrounds miscarriage and baby loss. As a result, many people are left feeling that their loss should be kept private. 

What happens then? Too often, we find ourselves isolated and alone in our grief. 

Whether it’s in a one-to-one call or in our virtual support groups, some of the phrases we hear time and again in the Support Team are: 

"I feel so lonely." 

"I don't have anyone to talk to about this." 

“What do I do with my grief (or other feelings)?” 

For many bereaved parents, their partner or perhaps a close family member may be the only person they feel able to talk to. This can feel supportive for some, however sadly this is not the case for everyone. It is no wonder that so many people describe feeling adrift, disconnected and lost after loss. 

That is one of the cornerstones of our support. We offer a space where you can feel heard, validated and supported. 

We know that being heard won't take away your grief. We know it won't somehow make everything alright overnight; sometimes we wish we had the power to ‘wave a magic wand’ and make everything better, but we don’t. That grief is also there as a reminder of how deeply you have loved, so it can feel purposeful and comforting too. What our support can do is give you somewhere to put your grief down for a little while, somewhere to share it with someone who will listen without judgement, and somewhere to offload the full range of emotions which are often tied up in grief.  

Grief can feel incredibly heavy. Sometimes we think it is the grief itself that is weighing us down, but often it is the fact that we are carrying grief alongside everything else life expects of us. Work, family responsibilities, household tasks, appointments, relationships, decision-making and the endless demands of everyday life do not stop when loss happens. 

The truth is that we are human. We are not meant to carry everything all at once. 

Sometimes easing the weight of grief is not about feeling better. It is about finding small ways to carry less, and we aim for our support sessions to ease the weight. Sometimes it is about offloading some of the heavy feelings you have been carrying; sometimes it is about releasing those emotions through tears, and sometimes it’s about having a little laugh at something entirely unrelated.  

There may be other gentle ways to ease the weight of grief too - that might mean accepting help when it is offered. It might be allowing a friend to cook a meal, asking someone to come with you to an appointment, or giving yourself permission to decline invitations and cancel plans when your emotional reserves are running low. It might be finding a support group, speaking with a counsellor, or reaching out to someone who can simply sit with your grief rather than trying to explain it away. 

This year's Baby Loss Awareness Week theme is "Together We Care." It is a simple but powerful reminder that nobody should have to navigate baby loss alone. Care can be found in many places: in a friend's listening ear, in a shared conversation with another bereaved parent, in the support of family, or in reaching out to professionals and services that understand the impact of loss. After our support, we aim for you feel lighter and to leave with some ideas of ways to keep looking after yourself which honour your loss but that give you the love, care and attention you need and deserve as you navigate the grief journey.  

If you have been thinking about booking a one-to-one call with the Support Team but have held back, this may be your sign. 

We are here because together we care. 

Together we listen. 

Together we support. 

You do not have to carry your grief on your own. Being heard may not take away your grief, but it can help ensure the weight of it is shared, witnessed, and held alongside you. 

With love and care, 

Your MISS support team