Male Partners
Miscarriage and the impact on male partners
Miscarriage is a profound experience that affects both the woman/the person physically carrying the pregnancy, and their partners. However, attention is often focused on the individual who physically experienced the loss, and partners frequently feel sidelined. This can lead to isolation and delayed grief for partners affected by miscarriage.
How pregnancy loss affects male partners
Men often experience grief and psychological distress following miscarriage, and this can be similar in intensity to their partners. However, they commonly feel unable to express their emotions, and society does not always recognise the significance of their experience.
Emotional suppression:
Many men feel societal pressure to be strong, stoic, and to adopt the ‘supporter role’ to care for their partner. This can prevent them from processing their own grief.
Cultural and societal expectations:
Male grief is often minimised or dismissed with statements such as: "It didn’t happen to you". Stereotypes, such as assuming men should cope alone, can hinder their willingness to seek support.
Isolation:
Male partners are often excluded from support systems and overlooked by healthcare providers, for example counselling referrals. Men state that they often cannot speak to their friends about miscarriage.
Cultural and societal expectations:
Depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are common among male partners who experience pregnancy loss, yet society does not always consider this link.
Workplace impact:
At work, men affected by miscarriage may have difficulty focusing and increased stress. Fear of sharing their loss with colleagues or managers is common due to the taboo, exposure and insensitive reactions. A lack of leave policies and formal accommodations for male partners often forces them to return to work too soon.
What can help male partners:
Acknowledgment:
Acknowledging their grief and validating their feelings, regardless of the pregnancy’s gestational stage is important.
Use empathetic language, such as:
“I’m sorry for your loss”
“I’m sorry you’re going through this”
“I’m here to listen”
Is extremely validating.
Avoid comparisons or minimising their grief by saying things like:
“At least it was early”
Encourage partners to express their emotions. Encourage partners to attend counselling sessions.
Workplace considerations:
Create inclusive pregnancy loss policies that specifically address partner needs and offer paid leave.
Offer flexibility in work arrangements (e.g., remote work, reduced hours).
Appropriate outlets:
Male partners may benefit from sport/‘doing’ rather than sitting and talking.
Male partners may prefer to write about their experiences through blogging or journaling.
Create inclusive pregnancy loss policies that specifically address partner needs and offer paid leave.
Offer flexibility in work arrangements (e.g., remote work, reduced hours).
Be proactive about checking in and offering resources like therapy referrals or peer support groups.
Promote awareness days or events to highlight the challenges of pregnancy loss for both partners.
Include male-focused narratives in company materials and conversations about loss.
Allow both grieving parents to opt-out of events like baby showers or other triggering activities.
Key takeaways:
Pregnancy loss is a significant event that impacts both partners. However, male partners, are often the ‘forgotten grievers’ as they are expected to support their partners and bottle their own feelings. This can lead to delayed grief. Moreover, male partners may experience minimisation in their close circles and the workplace. We must validate male partner grief and provide appropriate outlets to support them. Without appropriate support, men are at risk of mental health illness. For more information please go to our resource page.
You Are Not Alone.
The path through pregnancy loss can feel isolating, but support is available. Explore our Resources page to find the organisations and initiatives offering comfort and guidance during a difficult time.
