Your Stories
“We suffered a miscarriage in our first pregnancy, and as a couple, we left the hospital feeling completely numb, heartbroken and lost. That’s when MISS stepped in and helped us through our grieving process. We received the most precious memory box for our little baby, where we were given beautiful sentimental items as keepsakes. We had various Zoom meetings with members of MISS and other couples who had faced going through a miscarriage. This helped us massively and made us realise we weren’t on our grieving journey on our own.
Hannah fell pregnant very quickly after our miscarriage, for us this was an extremely anxious time. We faced some complications, but our little rainbow baby was our miracle, and we welcomed our little girl Georgia into the world on the 14th of March. Marcia supported us through the whole 9 months of our pregnancy, making regular phone calls every month to support us through our pregnancy journey. She was always just a message or call away and reassured Hannah at an anxious time. Without the support from Marcia and MISS, we would have found the pregnancy a lot tougher than we did.
MISS is an incredible charity, providing support to couples who truly need it at such a devastating time, we will forever be grateful for everything MISS has done for us as a couple.”
“At exactly 11 weeks pregnant, I started bleeding and experiencing stomach pain. The following morning, I had an internal scan, where we were given the devastating news that our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks and had no heartbeat. Even before the scan, I knew in my heart that our baby had died. We both left the hospital feeling numb and devastated.
Three days later, we returned to the hospital as I had opted for medical management. I had experienced stomach cramps in the three days following the scan but had stopped bleeding completely. I felt a lot more emotional when I returned to the hospital this time. It took two days and two rounds of medication for me to miscarry. The process was physically more painful than I expected. I didn’t expect to have to pass so many blood clots. Once it was over, I felt both extreme sadness and a sense of relief. We both cried when the midwife told us that I had finally passed the baby.
Leaving the hospital that night was a lot worse than the first time. In that short walk from the maternity ward to the car park, we passed a couple with a new baby, and a heavily pregnant woman walking with her partner. It was heartbreaking. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that we would be leaving a maternity ward without a baby.
I will never forget the kindness, compassion and care that we received from the doctor and all the midwives that looked after us. They were incredible from beginning to end. It made a horrendous experience, just that little bit more bearable.
My husband and I have been quite open about our loss. On leaving the hospital, we decided to tell our close family, friends and work colleagues. It was the best decision for us, and the support we have received has been amazing. Even now, our loved ones still talk to us about our loss, which is so important to both of us.
My husband and I are trying to move forward with our lives the best we can. Unfortunately, we have both had health challenges since the miscarriage, but remain hopeful that we will be able to have a living child one day. We try our best to make the most of life by doing fun things together, finding joy in different hobbies and spending time with friends/family. Five months on, the sadness of losing our baby and anxiety for the future is still very much present.
I feel that miscarriage is slowly starting to become less of a taboo subject. I had no clue what a miscarriage involved (both emotionally and physically), which is why I wanted to share our story. I am so grateful to MISS for the beautiful memory box that we received at the hospital. We have added some of our own things to it so that our baby will always be remembered.”
“My husband and I had so much difficulty after the birth of our first daughter falling pregnant again. It seemed to only happen every two years and we would miscarry at around 7/8 weeks. We were referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and it finally felt like we were being listened to. I was diagnosed with PCOS which although we were told wasn’t the answer to our problems at least helped us appreciate that people were trying to help us. We had a miscarriage in 2018, 2020, and then 2 close together in 2022 before finally having a successful pregnancy and having another daughter in 2023. I do think this was helped by the fact we were able to take progesterone from the day I found out I was pregnant however we were very well informed that research around this area is not the most reliable and still very much open to discussion on the benefits. But for us. it was the only thing that we did differently!
As the years and losses went by it was such a spectrum of feelings. It sounds bizarre but by 2022 it was just pure worry about becoming pregnant and having to go through it again. I remember the lovely sonographer who confirmed the last miscarriage, so sympathetic and empathetic for and with us but for me, it was a relief in a way for them to say it had happened again after a week of bleeding and knowing myself it was over. There’s no right or wrong way. I didn’t feel settled and believe my last pregnancy was successful until my baby was in my arms and even then, I woke up thinking it couldn’t be real.
Some of the support tools I found helpful included reading vlogs, and speaking about my experience to people even if they didn’t have the same experience. People are happy enough to ask you about your plans to have children when they expect sunshine and daisies reply but panic when they hear it isn’t that. I tell them not to be apologetic and continue telling my story.”
“I would like to share our story if it may help others to feel less alone:
My husband and I have been trying for a baby since we got married in 2021, we met later in life when I was 36, and we were both childless with myself having spent so long actively trying to not get pregnant which is ironic considering my current situation. I come from a large very fertile family and I just assumed that it would not take long for us to fall pregnant, I was right about that but sadly we had a chemical pregnancy, and another one soon followed.
The next year we were delighted to fall pregnant again but at nearly 5 weeks, we miscarried and were both devastated but carried on trying, we fell pregnant again the year after but at nearly 7 weeks I started to bleed and a scan showed a missed miscarriage. The nurses were nice enough but it was all very clinical and quite distressing to be sent home with a handful of leaflets and a bag containing sanitary pads for what was still to come. We both felt foolish at having let ourselves think it was all going to be okay and getting our hopes up.
It took three days to pass, three days of hoping the scan was wrong and feeling in a weird limbo state thinking of all the possibilities. I was surprised at how psychically painful it was and my poor husband sat with me in our bathroom feeling useless as he couldn’t do anything to take the pain away, feeling his own another form of distress and yet trying his best to support me, I found it all very traumatic and do feel that some form of postpartum depression followed after that.
We finally got referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and waited 7 long months for an appointment to be told they couldn’t find anything and to just keep on trying, and so now I find myself at 40 years old, periods have now become irregular and to just keep on trying feels harder with each month that passes.
Peoples words of ‘encouragement’ to just keep trying, it will happen, just have fun etc. make me feel wounded, I’m currently having support and I’m working through the pain of what it might feel like to ‘stop trying’, I know that the sadness around our losses will always be there and I will have to make room for that sadness no matter what the future brings.
“In 2021 my wife and I decided to try for a child. After trying for a month or two, my wife began to feel a little dizzy after a shopping trip one day. As we were at the shops we decided to get some pregnancy test kits, and soon after arriving home and trying out the tests we discovered she was pregnant. We were both over the moon when we found this out and couldn’t believe how quickly it had all happened, although we were both extremely pleased we decided to keep it quiet until we had a scan. Going into December that year, we had pre-booked to visit my family in Scotland, and as 10 or so weeks had passed we decided to let our family members know the good news, as we knew there would be some awkward questions about my wife not having alcohol and so on. Long story short on our return to Scotland we both started to feel ILL more so me, and when we arrived back in Wales, it turned out we both had contracted COVID. During this time we had to isolate for 10 days if I remember correctly, before mixing with others and as the hospital wouldn’t allow partners at scans, we decided to go for a private scan as it was around 10 weeks at this point and also my wife was a bit worried about how she physically felt inside. After we were COVID-free we set off for the private scan, at first though the place and staff were really nice, and they welcomed us in and performed the scan, and we discovered that unfortunately, the baby had no heartbeat. This came as a real shock to my wife and I, as you can imagine. We were sort of told sorry by the staff who did seem compassionate, but they then escorted us to the exit, meaning we had to pass by many other happy couples who were either waiting for a scan or just had one. By this point, we were both pretty upset and felt hopeless, and my wife decided to head around the back way of the building as she didn't want to upset any expecting couples.
We were really upset and I was trying to reassure my wife that we would get through this and try again. The whole thing was pretty horrific but I really feel the staff at the clinic made the whole experience so much worse. I know it’s a business, but there was no after care at all. We didn’t even know what to do with ourselves after that.
At first, things were not too bad, but my wife would have days of really blaming herself, and would often say horrible nasty things about herself. She would get really upset and stressed, which I believe stopped her from conceiving for quite some time. But we are now at 32 weeks and she is more herself again. We just had our worries and didn’t rush into telling people this time, and I feel this really eases the pressure on us both.
We were really taken aback by people’s comments and opinions. Several of my aunts and mother had all had miscarriages before, and they all sort of brushed it off like it was nothing really. We didn’t find it so easy, as my wife had to pass what remained of the child in the toilet while I had just started a new job. This was painful for her and upsetting, and she was really down for quite a few weeks, this was hard for me to watch and also hard for me to help her out, my effort seemed to have little effect on her. I think the hormonal changes in a woman are really underestimated and I feel people are really unaware of how hard postnatal depression can be. We can talk about it freely now, but now we know how it feels, and after suffering, we are more conscious of others and what they are going through.”
“MISS has helped me by saying it is ok to talk about my experience and that I’m not alone.
After losing a baby at 13 weeks and having some horrible complications afterwards in July 2014.
I have only just learned to talk about it. I didn’t have any information about going forward and dealing with it once things had been done and I have been struggling with it for a while.”
“In June 2019 I found out I was pregnant with our surprise baby, due to the baby being a surprise I booked an early scan for what I assumed was around 7 weeks. At the scan they saw two healthy babies to my surprise, unfortunately, two weeks later it was discovered only one baby had a heartbeat and that the other had passed. Fast forward to 29th February 2020 I had a beautiful baby boy called “Lachlan-John”. When the midwife came to do the post-natal checks and asked about birth control I just laughed and said I’d be having one hundred babies if I could.
Then in July 2020, I got my first positive, my Clear Blue test said 1-2 weeks and with First Response I got two pink lines! Then a week or so later I started bleeding and I called the GP who said it must have been “false Positives”. That was the end of that.
Again in September, the same thing happened. I was told they were “False positives”.
Now in November 2020, I got more positives, this time I booked an appointment with the midwife and was all set for this pregnancy after about 16 pregnancy tests. I kept it quiet over Christmas but told a few close friends and family who were thrilled. Sadly at 8 weeks pregnant on the evening of the 27th of December, I started bleeding. I went into the Early pregnancy unit at AMH which confirmed I was having a miscarriage. Seeing our sweet baby with no heartbeat was awful and due to my husband working, I was there alone. I decided just to miscarry naturally at home. The cramps/ contractions started and we had our little Baby Robin at home. After this, we decided to put a hold on trying, as it was all a lot to take in.
Then February rolls around and two weeks before my baby boy’s birthday: Two pink lines. Here we go again. This time felt different, I was slightly sick, my boobs had grown, I was exhausted all day and I was very grumpy. Then at work one evening at 7 weeks I started to bleed, I knew it. After phoning the EPU I was booked in for a scan 5 days later. The longest 5 days of my life. We arrived at our scan very nervous but on the screen was the cutest little blob and its heart was fluttering away! I cried and my husband was thrilled, all that worry for nothing. The “bump” started to appear at 9/10 weeks and I was struggling to hide the pregnancy. We then told a few more close friends we were expecting baby number 2.
At 12 weeks pregnant I had the scan we were looking forward to: we could finally announce. After having a scan with Lachlan I knew what 12-week babies looked like on a scan but what I saw on the screen was not a 12-week baby. It was still. No movement. I could see its head, arms and legs but nothing moving. We were going through a missed miscarriage. We went through again to the EPU to discuss options.
I picked to go through the D&C route as passing the baby at home was quite traumatic for my husband and me. We also decided to send our baby away for genetic testing and to get the baby cremated. Baby Poppy. The staff in Rubislaw couldn’t have been nicer, I was booked in for the Wednesday but I was unfortunately cancelled and rescheduled for the Thursday. In the theatre, they were all fantastic before I went off to sleep I had a good cry. Coming into a maternity hospital pregnant and walking away not being pregnant and without a baby is the most awful thing I will ever experience. However I got to carry that baby for 12 weeks, I gave it so much love and a cosy home. Our little babies will all be together. MISS have been a great support and I enjoyed reading other women’s stories knowing that you aren’t alone. I was told by my midwife that there is no such thing as several false positives and that I had early miscarriages.
Lauren x”
“When I fell pregnant for the first time in January 2021, I had never felt so excited. After trying to conceive for over a year, it felt like we’d waited a lifetime for it, and we were so ready. Having taken a while to get pregnant, I decided to book a private 8-week scan, just to make sure everything was okay.
We headed along to the appointment, anxious but excited to see our little baby but within a few minutes, it was clear something wasn’t right. The sonographer explained that the baby was measuring at six weeks, not eight, and there was no heartbeat. I can’t begin to explain the confusion, panic and grief that immediately hit us.
We were referred straight to Aberdeen Maternity Hospital where we had an internal scan which just confirmed what the sonographer had already told us. We were told to go home and booked in for rescan ten days later to see if the baby had grown. The next few days were a blur. I went from feeling hopeful one moment to absolutely crushed the next.
Three days after the scan I started to spot and six days later, when I should have been nine weeks pregnant, I naturally miscarried. Naively, I had always thought miscarriage would just feel like a period, but the pain was agony. After bleeding heavily for hours, I phoned the maternity ward and was asked to head straight there so they could help with the bleeding. I’ll never remember how lovely the midwives and nursing staff were. They made such a traumatic experience as calming as possible.
I remember as we left, meekly saying to the midwife, “I’ve miscarried, haven’t I?” but they wouldn’t confirm anything until we had a re-scan. The days after merged into one as I lay on the sofa with a hot water bottle permanently attached to my stomach. It sounds silly given the baby was the size of a pea, but I felt empty. Physically and emotionally empty.
We were lucky to have such an amazing support network around us, and our close family and friends couldn’t have been more there for us. But I still struggled. I reached out to MISS and was pointed in the direction of a counselling service. I’ve now been seeing my counsellor every few weeks and I didn’t realise until I started talking just how much I needed to speak to someone who had an outside perspective.
I’ve been fairly open about my experience with friends, family and colleagues. One of the biggest struggles that I had after losing the baby was how isolating it felt. I didn’t know anyone that had experienced anything similar so I feel quite strongly about making miscarriage a normal discussion and not taboo.
It’s been almost four months and I still think about our baby every day. As painful as it is, I know things will keep getting easier. For anyone going through a similar experience, my only advice is to talk. Talk to a friend, a family member, a counsellor, anyone. It will surprise you how much lighter you feel.”
“We weren't trying but had a missed period, took a test- it was positive. I was over the moon with excitement! I was up all night deeply planning the next 18-plus years of our lives (needless to say I couldn't sleep a wink that night for excitement).
The next morning, there was a slightly late period indicating this was a 'chemical pregnancy' so, a very early miscarriage.
I'll be completely honest, I've dreamt of being a husband and father for as long as I can remember and, although I only had one night to process that this was happening, the excitement and anticipation I experienced that night was absolutely incredibly powerful and was going to be the first night of our lives as parents- I couldn't have been happier than I was at that point. When tomorrow came and very effectively pulled the whole world out from under me, I was completely heartbroken but we sat on the bed and talked until it seemed like there were surely no more words left to try and describe this pain to one another (and, yes, a good many tears) but, by the time we finally got up and went to face the day head-on.
My, then-girlfriend, now wife is an amazing woman- she's handled all of this very sensibly- she talked to as many friends and family members as seemed appropriate and just talked until it didn't hurt so much. As a guy, I dunno, it doesn't feel like the sort of thing you can bring up over a couple of pints down at my local, so I guess I feel like I made use of her (my wife's excellent listening ability) as much as I could until, likewise, it was something that was, and always will be there, but it's not nearly as painful to think about our loss and the life that could have, should have, been.
The people I did confide in (mostly family) were all very comforting, supportive and most were keen to empathise with stories of their own miscarriage experiences (some of which I had no idea ever happened).
Like I said, everyone, I went to was really very supportive however, working in this charity, I have heard many less appropriate and less helpful comments entirely because, yes, miscarriage is still a very taboo subject- particularly for those who have never experienced it, they have no idea how to appropriately respond and so, typically, try to find something positive to comment on: "at least you know you can get pregnant", "I guess that one just wasn't meant to be", "there must've been something wrong with the embryo, it's probably a kindness" these are the well-meant comments of people looking for positivity in an entirely negative situation - there is no good side of what has happened here!”
“I miscarried my 3rd baby in September 2020. I had to have surgery and the day after for weeks I was a mess. Not only full of grief but dealing with postpartum, panic attacks and flashbacks to other traumatic experiences (birth trauma, sexual assault) all while trying to look after two small children. To make things worse because of COVID-19 I could have little to no contact with anyone outside of my household and no help with my daughters other than my husband when he was home from work. It all came to a breaking point.
At a very low point, my friend told me about MISS and how they helped her. I reached out and it was the best decision I could have made. Almost immediately I received a message back from Abi at MISS and was invited on an informal support Zoom call. I was very nervous but was made to feel very comfortable speaking to other women who had experienced miscarriage as well as the volunteers at MISS. Since then I have received help via Zoom calls but mostly through text messaging and phone calls with Abi Clarke at MISS. On my down days (which has been a lot) I have reached out and the same day I received a phone call. MISS has helped me through my darkest time and continues to help me through grieving and recovery now 3 months on from my miscarriage. On top of the over-the-phone support and group Zoom calls, I have been sent a support pack, a gift for baby loss month, a Christmas decoration to remember my lost baby and support offered to my Husband also. They have given me advice when I needed it, put me in touch with counselling organisations, let me cry and laugh on the call and most of all listened to me. I felt very alone and not heard at the beginning so being listened to was so important. I can honestly say I may not have got to the end of this year without the support of MISS (especially the wonderful founder Abi Clarke) and I will be forever grateful for the life-saving support I have received. Covid may have meant no face-to-face or physical contact but that has not stopped MISS from touching my heart and saving my life. Words can only begin to describe how thankful I am.”
“I miscarried at around 9 weeks in March 2012. I was offered no support by the hospital other than bloods to be taken every couple of days to make sure that my HCG levels were dropping. I left the hospital distraught along with my husband. Not once were we asked if we needed any support, nor were we given the opportunity to ask questions.
I felt it was my fault I had done something wrong. Couldn’t understand why other people like drug users etc were able to carry a baby but I couldn’t. The following morning after very little sleep I asked my husband to leave me as I felt I couldn’t give him what he wanted and that was a family of his own.
We went on and had a healthy pregnancy after the miscarriage but felt I was walking on eggshells the whole way through my pregnancy. I was just waiting for something to go wrong. Every scan I attended I was nervous and scared that we would lose this baby as well. Thankfully we didn’t and we have a lovely little girl who one day will know how special she is to both of us. She knows she has a big brother/sister in heaven.
It was through Facebook I came upon MISS. They have been a source of great support to me, even though my miscarriage was before they were founded. To this day I still grieve for the baby we lost and to be honest, probably haven’t yet come to terms with it.”
“In September 2019, three days before my 12-week scan appointment, the midwife confirmed that I had had a missed miscarriage. My baby had stopped developing at approximately 7 weeks but my body hadn’t registered the loss.
I was sat down in a room and had to wait for someone to come and tell me our options. I didn’t know what to do so I opted for the surgical option because I was afraid to go through it at home. I would have to wait three days before I could have the surgery and so I was sent home with a leaflet and my grief.
The next day my miscarriage began in earnest and I sat on the toilet crying my heart out while my husband held my hand. He phoned the midwife and we went into the hospital for a scan. We were told it wasn’t over and we went back home. This happened a further twice before the day of my surgery. Once again I was scanned and advised to go ahead with the surgery which I did.
The staff were amazing. I specifically remember the anaesthetist in the theatre, in my memory she is an angel. She held my hand so tenderly and asked about my baby. No one had acknowledged my baby until this point.
The next few days are a blur. I know I took time to physically recover and I took time to be able to talk to anyone other than my family. I wanted to be isolated.
The world hadn’t even known I was pregnant so how did I start to tell them what I’d lost? I went back to work all too soon and it was still a secret from everyone other than my boss. The worst day was when a colleague came in with his brand new baby granddaughter and the crowd congregated right outside my office door. As soon as they left I ran to the toilet and cried. A colleague found me and I told her everything.
Slowly, I began to talk. With each new person I told I felt the load get a little lighter. The amount of men and women who told me they too had experienced miscarriage or baby loss in their lives was astounding. I’d heard the statistics of 1 in 4 but when it’s happening to you, it means nothing. But these real people, sharing their stories, that helped. I now speak about the baby I lost whenever I can.
I write this now 5 months pregnant with my second little miracle. I read somewhere that pregnancy after loss is like holding your breath for 9 months. Well, that sure is the truth but so far this little one is doing great. I still check my underwear every single day for signs of spotting and I feel a pang of anxiety for every twinge in my abdomen but that is my reality and I know I will be okay.”
“Having gone through five miscarriages in Edinburgh, where we were offered little to no follow-up support, I understandably felt that we'd be treated in the same way once we'd moved up to Aberdeenshire.
I couldn't have been more wrong. I discovered the MISS charity and instantly joined one of their online support groups. Having kept most of my pain around our recurrent losses to myself, it felt so healing to tell our story to understanding listeners. It was during one of these sessions that I got to know the incredible Myra Kinnaird. She made me feel so heard and had comforting insight into why our Edinburgh experiences had felt so clinical and isolating. She made me feel like sharing our experience was truly going to make a difference in future service provision. I felt so fortunate to also be given 1:1 support calls with Myra. These were the biggest comfort to me as I navigated a further loss, followed by an extremely anxious, but thankfully successful, pregnancy. Myra's empathy, kindness and genuine interest in our journey will honestly stay with me for the rest of my life. I can't express how much of a difference Myra made as I navigated recurrent miscarriage clinic testing, and the successful delivery of our beautiful rainbow baby.
Two years on I still think of her regularly and feel so grateful to have had her by our side.”
Your Stories & Advice to Others
Welcome to our series of stories from individuals who have experienced miscarriage and have received support from MISS. In this collection, you will hear personal accounts from people who have bravely navigated through the profound and often isolating experience of pregnancy loss.
These stories aim to shed light on the emotional, physical, and mental impact of miscarriage and baby loss, while also offering support and understanding to those who may be going through similar struggles. We hope that these narratives will serve as a source of comfort and solidarity for anyone who has been touched by this deeply sensitive subject.
If you would like to share your miscarriage journey, please get in touch, either by email advice@miss-support.org.uk or by completing this form and answering as many of the questions as you feel comfortable with. https://forms.gle/mMhJKHn2Bv3vVLfj6
“Talking is the main thing that got us through this terrible time - and what I would recommend to everyone going through the same, talk- talk this through with your partner (if you can) and every friend and family member you trust as the sharing will help you normalise these emotions in your head, hopefully, strengthen these relationships of yours and, as is often the case, reveal a LOT more people have experienced this than you ever knew.”
“Take time to grieve. You have suffered a loss and your body is going through a lot not only emotionally but also physically. Check-in on your partner, it may be your body that has suffered the trauma, but they joined you in the happiness and planning you had when you first found out you were expecting, they are also feeling this loss. Take time before trying again, you will be told you will get pregnant quickly after a miscarriage, but make sure you’re ready first and don’t try to replace your loss with a pregnancy. When you fall pregnant again, enjoy it, this one is not your last
one and it is not a replacement.”
“As much as I recommend hearing others’ stories and suggestions the best I can advise is ‘you do you”.
“We opened up to a few friends and family, who were an amazing support. They rallied around us, fed us, looked after us,
and walked that grieving process with us.”
“The best advice that we were given was to keep talking to each other about the experience and how we were feeling. If I could give any advice to readers, it would be to talk to someone about it, and not bottle your feelings up.”
“I think the best thing is to speak to a neutral person who has experience in what’s troubling you. So, someone you can trust or contact a charity for a chat, there is no stress about it, and when you bottle up your feelings they will come out in a way you have no control over and make your issues worse.”